There are words that speak right to your heart. This week, these spoke to mine:
As someone who feels like she’s learning to live life after many years of being too afraid, the ordinary things are the most beautiful, and always full of magic. (written by Shoko)
This is work for me right now. There is magic in my every day, in the act of creating, of building a business from the ground up. In the to-do lists, and the checking things off, and the fixtures, and the orders, and the co-workers and the lunch-packing, in the sheer regularity of it all, but also in the birth of something that may be amazing. Someday. I’m trying not to get ahead of myself, to put wildly grand expectations on myself, because, believe me, there is pressure enough without adding any more.
I am not sleeping well. It’s always the first thing to go, but at least I know that now, so I have a plan. I start acupuncture again tonight. It’s the only thing that works for me, but I’m ramping up the battle against insomnia with a healthier diet, exercise (though finding the time to do it now that I’m working a regular job is HARD), earlier bedtime, less coffee, less wine…basically eliminating fun from my life and adding back in extreme routines.
I’m doing my best to make my life as simple as possible so that work can be the focus, right now at least. I’m so happy there, so fulfilled with the energy and the newness and the challenge. I keep thinking about the old working mom discussion. Pick two: you can have work or family or a happy marriage but not all three at the same time. I’ve always attempted all three, but I find myself slipping these days. My husband is picking up the slack at home, and I’m forcing myself to set alarms to leave work at a somewhat reasonable time. But not because I want to, though I do love being home. I just love work, too. I feel alive there, competent, smart.
Next week, school starts. Back to homework and drop-off and new routines. I’m nervous about how to juggle that with the final countdown to the store opening. So I’m trying to focus on the magic moments: stepping outside for lunch onto a balcony that overlooks the harbor; giving space in the store to local photographers and artists who overwhelm me with the gratitude they feel to be part of this endeavor; putting on a dress and heels in the morning; walking through my front door and being greeted by bathed kids, a cocktail and a husband who cooks.
It feels beautiful. Full and stressful and emotional, but beautiful.